Your toilets flush backwards, don't they?

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February 14th, 2013 by Bloodshot

Like most Americans, a people known for their geographical indifference to the rest of the world, we here at Bloodshot thought Australia was all hilariously slobbery Tasmanian devils, Crocodile Dundee Chappys and Shielas, and louts with Fosters oil cans. On a trip to Australia to record parts of the new Roger Knox record, Bloodshot Rob assumed there would be a statue of Men at Work at the Sydney Airport. And there was!  And all the rest of it was spot on right, too!

To celebrate the release of the new Roger Knox record, we asked our staff what their favorite things our bruthas down unda' have brought to the world, or what they think of when we run up to their desk and shine a police-issue LED flashlight in their faces and yell "Australia!"

BOOKKEEPER ANTHONY:

Warner Brother's Tasmanian Devil.  I wonder what's come of him...

"Crocodile Dundee" - the only two things I remember from the movies are his obsession with his knife and the one scene he took some guys cocaine, diluted it in a big bowl of steaming hot water, and told the guy to cover his head with a towel over the bowl and inhale the steam, or something.  That may or may not have really happened, but that's what I remember.

Radio SWANK:

Kangaroos - Something about a giant boxing rat with a pouch that I dig.

Men At Work/Midnight Oil - Two bands that alerted my teenage self that Australia actually existed.

Vegemite - Never eaten it, and would probably hate it, but I like saying it.

Fosters - Giant cans and great commercials. Good enough.

Deniz Tek - Trauma surgeon, fighter-pilot, rock guitarist. I assume his free time is spent resurrecting the dead and yelling "In your FACE, Einstein" for one reason or another at least once a week.

Tasmanian Devil - Both the cartoon and the real life animal are endlessly entertaining and a bad-ass little animal.

RETAIL PETE:

1. Nick Cave
2. Radio Birdman
3. "Mad Max: The Road Warrior"
4. AC/DC
5. Wombats

NAN:

Vegemite
eucalyptus
tee tree oil
Joe Michelli's handmade jewelry
Celibate Rifles
Radio Birdman
Fact: For at least 40,000 years before European settlement in the late 18th century, Australia was inhabited by indigenous Australians

JOSH:

Warren Ellis and Nick Cave
AC/DC
The Avalanches
The movie Crocodile Dundee

SCOTT:

Fosters Lager Oil Cans
Nick Cave
the Saints
Clothing optional beaches vs Baby Kangaroos (tie)  (ed. Note:  tie for WHAT?  Ick….)
Outback Steak House

BLOODSHOT ROB:

Music:

AC fucking DC:
If you as a nation do nothing else, this alone would be enough.

Divinyls:
"All the Boys in Town" (long before the rather embarrassing hit "I Touch Myself") When all the other kids in high school were flipping over the Go Go's, I fell for Christina Amphlett.  Sure, the bolo ties and Aussie mullets are a bit tough to look at now, but she scared me.  In that hot kinda way.

Beasts of Bourbon:
I bought the LP The Axeman's Jazz for the sole reason that they thanked Kid Congo Powers (Cramps, Gun Club) on the jacket.

Chad Morgan:
Simply demented and an effective mind clearer after several hours in the studio. We laughed until we wept.  We wept until we laughed.

Movies:

Documentary: Mad Max

Fiction: Breaker Morant:  Best "all wars are futile" movie out there (and features Byran Brown, who I have a bit of a man crush on).

Which leads us to the best "all wars are futile" song: "And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda"


Food:

The dizzying array of seafood delights at the Sydney Fish Market. Jet lag and Cooper's Ale helped.

You (Australians) can keep:

Vegemite.  Sure, we Americans are no strangers to creating abominable foodstuffs, but chee-rist this stuff is foul.

INXS-based reality TV shows.

Nicole Kidman's immoveable facial features.

Air Supply

All your stinging, poisoning, sharp angry octopi, clams, bugs, snakes, spiders, plants, birds.  Hell, for all I know even the RABBITS will kill you there.